A Few Degrees Off Course

"The difference between happiness and misery … often comes down to an error of only a few degrees." --Deider F. Uchtdorf

It is amazing to me how cunning the adversary is and how easily he can slip into our lives. Over the last couple of months, since I was called as Relief Society president in our ward, I have progressively struggled more and more with feelings of inadequacy coupled with pride and seeking after the esteem of man. The more I sought for praise or just reassurance through the words of those around me, the more I felt inadequate and as though I was failing. I was still reading my scriptures and saying my prayers, yet I had not fully repented of my pride.

Today at church one of the talks was about Saul and referenced a talk by Deider F. Uchtdorf that talks about how the difference between happiness and misery can come down to a very small error. The speaker today also went on to talk about pride, in particular in relation to the story of Saul.

It was so hard to admit to myself and to the Lord that I had fallen into pride, but I mostly surely had. Despite my scripture study and prayer, I had distanced myself from the Lord by my pride. As I heard the talk I realized very quickly that that was my big problem right now. I immediately began pleading with the Lord for forgiveness in this area. Just as quickly I began to feel the peace of the Lord fall upon me.

As we moved on to Sunday school, the lesson also talked of the pitfalls of being in leadership, including pride. Again I felt the Lord lovingly chastising me and trying to help and direct me. A main portion of the lesson came from Doctrine and Covenants section 121 verses 33-40. It talks about how many are called but few are chosen, and that they are not chosen mainly because their hearts are set upon the things of the world and aspire to the honors of men, among other things.

How easy it is to take a slightly wrong turn, maybe even only 1 degree, and head slowly but surely toward the things of the world rather than the things of the Lord. There are so many things in this life that have good purposes but can also be used as tools by Satan to drag us down. I love facebook, email, the Internet, and also blogging, but each of these things have proven mighty temptations in their own ways over time. Satan loves to use the tools against me of mismanagement of time, by distracting me on the computer, along with seeking after the praise of man through facebook and even this blog.

I hope and pray that I can continue to whole heartedly and continually seek after the things of the Lord and seek his continual forgiveness. It is awesome how the Lord is so very loving, and forgiving, that he will always take us back, no matter how far we have fallen. He is always there, we just have to seek after him.

The Wait Loss Rollercoaster

Sometimes I feel like I am at the point of the roller coaster ride where after tons of loops and turns and amazing momentum, I've slowly inched to the top of a large hill and am anxiously waiting, and waiting, and waiting for it to drop down again. I started this particular weight loss ride close to a year ago, and have steadily lost until about 6 weeks or so ago when I inched up to the infamous plateau. Having lost 85 pounds already, I wondered how long it would take to start moving toward the last 70 pounds again.
It would have been nice if it was simply a plateau, where I just sat at the same weight for a short period of time. Nope. I actually gained about 5 pounds. So, I re-evaluated what I was doing. I realized that I had gotten sloppy in a lot of areas. I was sloppy with my eating, not paying as close attention or being as prayerful about what I was taking into my body. I was sloppy with my exercising, which had all but come to a complete halt. I was sloppy with my relationship with the Lord. After all, He was the key to my success.
This ride started with a sincere pleading to the Lord for his strength, mercy, forgiveness, guidance, and help in overcoming my food addictions. I knew that He was the key, yet after almost a year of success I had stopped turning to Him with as much sincerity and desire for help as I had previously. I'm glad to say after turning to Him once again, and willingly following his guidance, the weight loss roller coaster ride is back in motion.
It feels so good to be turning more fully to Him once again, and I am very grateful for the reminder that it takes daily even hourly effort on my part to keep my will in line with His. For now the weight loss roller coaster for me is no longer a wait for loss roller coaster. That was a long couple of months.

Making Weak Things Strong

I have to admit, I have a lot of weaknesses. As a nurse one of my weaknesses has always been IV (intravenous) line insertions. Up until the last several months I had no better than a 50% success rate, but probably more like 30-40%. I have strengths of course, but that is not one of them. An amazing thing has happened though, as I have sought the Lord's help in strengthening that weakness. It all starts with a scripture:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. " Ether 12:27

I have always loved this scripture, but over the last year it has made a huge difference in several specific areas of my life. For instance the IV situation. It all started one day several months ago when I had a patient's IV line go bad. I looked at his arm and did not see anything worth sticking. The scripture came to mind, and I prayed to Heavenly Father, telling him that I had faith that this scripture was true, and I needed him to help make this week thing strong for me at that moment. The patient was in a lot of pain, and he needed a new line so that I could give him his pain medicine.

As I finished my prayer I looked at his arm again, and the precise vein I should enter was illuminated before my eyes. I said another quick prayer and inserted the needle. Then suddenly, what I'd hoped for, a flash of blood, indicating I was in the right spot. I finished inserting the line and gave the patient his pain medicine. My heart overflowed with gratitude and joy, at the blessing I had been provided.

Later that morning the IV seemed a little sluggish, but still working, and I asked another nurse to attempt to place a 2nd line for a backup. After 2 unsuccessful attempts by her, I decided to try again for a 2nd line, and also had no success. This really solidified in my find that that morning Heavenly Father had truly answered my prayer, and fulfilled the promise in that scripture to make weak things strong for me, right at that moment.

As the months have come and gone, he has continued to make that weakness stronger for me, when I turn to him with complete faith. There are the occasional times when despite my fervent prayers, I am unsuccessful. I think those moments of failure help me to continue to be humble and remember that it is not about my will and what I want, but what Heavenly Father wants for me. If I put my trust in him completely, all things are turned to my good. I have seen him turn weak things into strong over and over again in my life. What are some weak things that he has helped to make strong in your life?

Do the three bears exist in real life?

In the story the three little bears there was always something that was too much, something too little, and something just right. My question is this: Is there ever anything just right in real life? Particularly in regards to workload.

Last week, I had 3 days in a row where my workload was simply overwhelming. There was way too much for me to do, and I found myself running around all day long doing one task, while being called to do 3 others, and trying to get to the last 2 tasks as well. The last day of my 3 hectic days in a row was the worst, and the busiest, and I found myself feeling extremely stressed and frustrated. Ultimately I felt most frustrated as I ran up and down the hallway hectically and saw several of my coworkers sitting at the desk talking, seemingly unaware of how ridiculously busy I was.

I tried not to let it upset me too much, because, I know on occasion, I myself have been one of the people sitting at the desk. However, that last day of chaos, was a great reminder for me to be more aware of the people around me. It is so easy when there is the other extreme, too little work (it really does exist if I am not looking outside of my own personal tasks), for me to get caught up in relaxing in between duties to the point of being unaware of the busy person running circles around me. Especially when I have been sooooo busy previously, it is very tempting to use my excess time in a passive way, not just at work, but in all areas of my life.

It seems at work, and in life, things generally fall into either the too much work or the too little work category, and the key to the "just right" is me. When there is too much, my attitude makes a huge difference. If I can take it in stride and keep things in perspective, then I can usually finish out a crazy day having learned a lot. Especially if I can remember that God does not send me more than I can bear, and he will help me get through it. If I spend too much of my energy complaining and crying, then often I miss the little subtle lessens he wants me too learn.

When it is a lighter day, if instead of resorting to time wasters in between duties, I look for others around me who need help, or other tasks that could be done, then I feel much more productive and those around me are less likely to fall into the too much category. Again, if I turn to God and ask him to help me be more aware of those around me, I usually find them. I need to take this principle to my home as well. So, do the three bears really exist? Whether they do or not, Goldilocks would have been better off look for happiness in her own home or heart, because the just right was there from the start.