Saturday, August 22, 2009

Life Lessons on Busy Days

Yesterday was one of those days at work, that previously would have really upset me. Instead it ended of being a great day of faith building experiences. It started out busy and got busier. As I finished receiving report from the off going nurse, I was immediately summoned to the desk for a doctor's phone call. Before I could finish writing the orders from the doctor, dialysis was on the phone about another patient. I hung up, hopped to my feet to see the patient they had called about, and was there no less than 5 minutes, when they were calling me to the desk for another phone call. In the next 30 minutes, I went into 3 different patient's rooms, and was called overhead to the desk or for other reasons no less than 10 times. Yet, through it all, I was prayerful, resisted the urge to complain for the most part (my complaints were more of jokes with the unit clerk about her only knowing my name), and plugged along, accomplishing timed tasks interspersed with putting out fires.

By the middle of the day I was fairly caught up when things began to get busy again. Again, I kept my composure, and again relied on the help of the Lord. I soon realized that each new thing that was coming up, though keeping me busy, was coming in perfect timing. Just as I would finish one task, the next would come up, occasionally, 2 or 3 things that needed attention would happen at the same time, however, those were always things that I could accomplish quickly. I am having a really hard time putting this into words. I knew, that Heavenly Father was stretching me beyond what I normally would think I could handle, yet doing it in such a gentle, merciful way.

Every day I pray that he will help me to have a good day, that he will help me to be an instrument in his hands for good, that I will have just the patients he has in mind for me, and that he will help me through it all. Much earlier in the year, I had had an absolutely horrendous day at work in a rural hospital, which seemed all the more worse, because I was hormonal and consequently emotional. As I was driving home from work after that shift (2 hours after I should have finished my day), tears streaming down my face, the song that came on the cd player was "Be Still My Soul". The opening words reached down deep into my heart, as if the Lord himself were speaking to me:

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

The first verse helped me remember that the Lord truly was on my side, then the 2nd verse touched me just as powerfully. Particularly, the line "Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake". All along Heavenly Father was with me that day. I did not need to let any difficulty shake my hope. Then the final verse was all the more poignant, as it talked about joys being restored, and particularly talking about tears being past.

I had prayed that morning, as I always had, and he had answered my prayers. He had special things he wanted me to learn. There were patients I needed to help, and did help. That day, I determined that I would not let any trial sent my way, shake my hope or my confidence. I would thank the Lord in all of my difficulties, and strive to learn what he would have me learn. That said, I still struggle, but, I am amazed at how much more joyful my journey has become with the change in perspective, and how much more I am learning. I am grateful for the good and the bad.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Someone is Listening

Recently I've had a round of patient's who for various reasons have difficulty communicating. They seem to be understanding just fine, but either the words they speak come out slurred and mostly uninteligble, or their voice is so soft that it makes it very difficult to hear, or they seem to understand, but are always answering the question asked 5 questions ago. In the past I have also had patient's who could speak just fine, but did not seem to understand anything that was being said to them.

I always feel so bad for these patients, whichever predicament. How disheartening to know exactly what is going on around you, but not be able to voice your needs or wants, or even just carry on a simple conversation with someone you love. I remember a patient I had in San Antonio several years ago who could only get out maybe 5 words, and those only sporadically. She had the kindest eyes, and when I would talk to her, I could tell by her gaze that she was an amazing listener. Yet, often her eyes would well up with tears as she would try unsuccessfully to communicate in some way. Her family let me know that she loved to talk. She was the friend and family member that everyone would call when they wanted a listening ear. How heart breaking for her to have lost her speech.

That feeling that I am not being understood is probably one of the most frustrating, even worse, if I feel like I am not being heard at all. Maybe that is part of why I feel so bad for the patient's with communication issues. I remember one time in my life, a few weeks after having my 2nd son, I was at home and feeling very alone. Everyone I tried to call was not answering or not home. I so desperately wanted to talk to someone and be heard. In tears I said a prayer and told Heavenly Father how I just wanted someone to talk to, and immediately heard the response "Why not me?" What a great message. No matter how unheard, alone, or misunderstood we feel, there is always someone out there who hears us, listens to us, and ever walks with us, whether we ackowledge him or not.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

A Few Degrees Off Course

"The difference between happiness and misery … often comes down to an error of only a few degrees." --Deider F. Uchtdorf

It is amazing to me how cunning the adversary is and how easily he can slip into our lives. Over the last couple of months, since I was called as Relief Society president in our ward, I have progressively struggled more and more with feelings of inadequacy coupled with pride and seeking after the esteem of man. The more I sought for praise or just reassurance through the words of those around me, the more I felt inadequate and as though I was failing. I was still reading my scriptures and saying my prayers, yet I had not fully repented of my pride.

Today at church one of the talks was about Saul and referenced a talk by Deider F. Uchtdorf that talks about how the difference between happiness and misery can come down to a very small error. The speaker today also went on to talk about pride, in particular in relation to the story of Saul.

It was so hard to admit to myself and to the Lord that I had fallen into pride, but I mostly surely had. Despite my scripture study and prayer, I had distanced myself from the Lord by my pride. As I heard the talk I realized very quickly that that was my big problem right now. I immediately began pleading with the Lord for forgiveness in this area. Just as quickly I began to feel the peace of the Lord fall upon me.

As we moved on to Sunday school, the lesson also talked of the pitfalls of being in leadership, including pride. Again I felt the Lord lovingly chastising me and trying to help and direct me. A main portion of the lesson came from Doctrine and Covenants section 121 verses 33-40. It talks about how many are called but few are chosen, and that they are not chosen mainly because their hearts are set upon the things of the world and aspire to the honors of men, among other things.

How easy it is to take a slightly wrong turn, maybe even only 1 degree, and head slowly but surely toward the things of the world rather than the things of the Lord. There are so many things in this life that have good purposes but can also be used as tools by Satan to drag us down. I love facebook, email, the Internet, and also blogging, but each of these things have proven mighty temptations in their own ways over time. Satan loves to use the tools against me of mismanagement of time, by distracting me on the computer, along with seeking after the praise of man through facebook and even this blog.

I hope and pray that I can continue to whole heartedly and continually seek after the things of the Lord and seek his continual forgiveness. It is awesome how the Lord is so very loving, and forgiving, that he will always take us back, no matter how far we have fallen. He is always there, we just have to seek after him.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Ink Notes #1

A friend of mine has started a writing exercise, called ink notes through her blog where she presents music and anyone who wants to participate, writes whatever comes to mind as they listen to the music. It can be poetry, prose, and anything the music inspires you to write. I'm a little late posting my first one, but here it is:

The Man Behind Me

across the room she glances my way
pushing every bit of air out of my chest
as her eyes briefly meet with mine
then just as quickly look away

cascading red brown waves of hair
beckon to me to come closer
her moonlit skin glistens
glowing for want of lips to touch

I breathe once more with one deep sigh
and she turns my way again
one corner of her mouth twists slightly up
as my face flushes a crimson it has rarely been

the boisterous laughter, talking, and music
muffled to a mere hum as thoughts of her
push aside any other sounds in the air
everyone else in the room disappears

it is she and I alone, gazing in pure love
I stand and inch my way towards her
each step is an eternity as I push forward
longing for her embrace, melting in her smile

she is within my reach, just one touch away
I pause and breathe in her sweet scent
as I smile and place my hand forward,
she sidesteps and passionately embraces
the man behind me

My first attempt to write with a prompt in awhile, and a little rough, but it was a lot of fun. Anyone who would like a little inspiration to help them write, feel free to join in on her blog. I hope to see you there!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Riding the Waves of Life

"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” --Emmanual Teney

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” --Brian Tracy

I spent the day at the beach with a few of my friends yesterday. I had not been in the water past my knees since my youth and had forgotten how enjoyable it truly is. As my friends and I went further and further out, we decided to push past where we could stand and head out a little deeper. We pushed our way out, periodically reaching down to feel where the bottom was.

The first time we went past where we could stand we each got a little nervous and scared and kept trying to touch the bottom to reassure ourselves that we were not too deep yet. We tired quickly with our constant reaching down efforts and decided to go back where we could stand again. However, all mentioned how fun it was and wanted to try again.

The next time we handled it differently, we ackownledged that our constant efforts to be in control by feeling the bottom was prematurely tiring us and decided instead to simply enjoy the deep and the feeling of being moved by the waves. We made slower, smaller movements forward and relaxed our bodies, allowing them to float back and forth in the waves. We were able to stay in the deeper water much longer. We found much more joy in the experience and our fears disappeared. We knew we could ride the waves or even swim in when needed and did not feel the need to exert extra energy searching for the ground below us.

Interestingly, we also found that as we took the more passive approach, the waves consistently pushed us closer to shore. Each time we thought we were quite aways out, we would look around and realize we were not near as far as we thought. When we would occasionally reach down, the ocean floor was much closer than it seemed.

This is how life is. I can choose to fight what is happening in my life, to constantly be searching for the bottom, for something to hold on to, or I can choose to enjoy what my life is bringing me. I can choose to submit my will to the Lord's and gently ride the waves in the ocean of my life. I do not need to waste my energy searching for where the bottom is, instead I can trust that He will not give me more than I can handle and that He is ever so gently bringing me closer to Him.

The waves in life can be gentle and they can be rough, but they are a constant. Why should I fight them or be afraid? Today I choose to be brave, to face my problems head on, to submit my will to the Lord's, and to enjoy waves in the ocean of my life.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Music in Labor

I have heard many different types of music played while women are laboring. I remember hearing Enya over and over and over again at a particularly long birth. At the time I actually liked Enya, but not only was our laboring woman listening to Enya, but she was listening to it played throughout the entire home. After around 24 hours, with no escape, I had heard enough Enya for at least the next 10 years.

I have also heard a beautiful Catholic rosary song set on continual repeat at two different births. At both births, I eventually found myself unintentionally singing along, but also after both births, realized I could no longer remember the words. Then a couple of weeks ago I heard Jack Johnson, one of my personal favorites, but it was short lived, I think it lasted 3 songs.

At that same birth we also listened to her husband sing some beautiful folk music while playing guitar and ukele. We even listened to Cat Stevens "Peace Train", that exact one on youtube, along with a couple other of his songs. Pretty groovy birth to say the least.

I never did listen to any music during any of my labors. However, I think if I was to be in labor right this moment, I would want to listen to either Canon in D (since that is mine and Chalan's song and it is somewhat relaxing) or maybe some Cheryl Crow or maybe Maroon 5.

What music did you listen to when you were in labor? Or, if you never listened to any music in labor or while birthing, if you were to spontaneously be 9 months pregnant, and in labor, right now, if you had to pick music, what would you pick?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Funny Things You Might Hear a Midwife Say

In response to a woman in labor saying she feels nauseated or just vomited "That's wonderful!" midwife.

Woman in labor "the contractions are getting really long and very close together", midwife "That's perfect! That's just what we want."

39 1/2 week pregnant woman "Will this baby ever come?" Midwife, "You are getting closer every day." Apprentice "at least we can assure you that you are not getting any further away."

The rules are different in labor land than just about anywhere else. In labor land it is exciting when someone vomits (unless it is the husband). Bowel movements and urine are also very good news and can not happen too frequently and must be announced to everyone present. Labor land is also one of the only places that being splashed with blood or other body fluids during a momentous birth actually lends to the excitement and is something to be laughed about afterward.

I've had some really great birth experiences lately. A few weeks ago I was able to help gently ease an almost 11 pound baby into the world for a mom having her 9th child. The sun had just risen and the light shining in through the windows was so beautiful. This experienced mom and her husband were an awesome labor team and it was such a blessing to be present for her birth. This was one of the 1st births that I did certain maneuvers instinctively, to the point that I really couldn't recall after the fact what precisely I did.

Then 2 first time moms had babies last week. Again wonderful experiences, but in different ways. Both were major learning experiences, especially the 2nd one, where I was able to do several things to help the baby's descent that I had not previously tried, and also things to comfort the mom during her labor which really seemed to help. I also got to help the dad catch his own baby. Again the husband and wife made an awesome team and it was so special and sacred being present. I have really felt the Lord lead me during these labors and births and help me to know and or think of things that I might not have otherwise done. What a blessing to know that he hears and answers prayers and that the birth of these babies is just as important to him as to the moms and dads who are having them.

As a side note, I just had to share a couple of silly orders that doctors wrote on my patient's today "Where is the peak and trough I ordered on this patient yesterday", which the unit clerk promptly looked up on the computer and printed for him; and "Please move this patient to a room with a working air conditioner, please!". :)

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Wait Loss Rollercoaster

Sometimes I feel like I am at the point of the roller coaster ride where after tons of loops and turns and amazing momentum, I've slowly inched to the top of a large hill and am anxiously waiting, and waiting, and waiting for it to drop down again. I started this particular weight loss ride close to a year ago, and have steadily lost until about 6 weeks or so ago when I inched up to the infamous plateau. Having lost 85 pounds already, I wondered how long it would take to start moving toward the last 70 pounds again.
It would have been nice if it was simply a plateau, where I just sat at the same weight for a short period of time. Nope. I actually gained about 5 pounds. So, I re-evaluated what I was doing. I realized that I had gotten sloppy in a lot of areas. I was sloppy with my eating, not paying as close attention or being as prayerful about what I was taking into my body. I was sloppy with my exercising, which had all but come to a complete halt. I was sloppy with my relationship with the Lord. After all, He was the key to my success.
This ride started with a sincere pleading to the Lord for his strength, mercy, forgiveness, guidance, and help in overcoming my food addictions. I knew that He was the key, yet after almost a year of success I had stopped turning to Him with as much sincerity and desire for help as I had previously. I'm glad to say after turning to Him once again, and willingly following his guidance, the weight loss roller coaster ride is back in motion.
It feels so good to be turning more fully to Him once again, and I am very grateful for the reminder that it takes daily even hourly effort on my part to keep my will in line with His. For now the weight loss roller coaster for me is no longer a wait for loss roller coaster. That was a long couple of months.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Cell phones and birth don't mix

So here's the story. About 6 weeks ago we were in a woman's home helping her through the last parts of her labor. Her mom, her sister, her husband, Beth, and I were all present. She's breathing and relaxing and moaning a little, and getting really close to pushing when suddenly a loud pop song breaks the silence. Then moments later an equally loud country song adds it's tune to the only momentarily renewed quiet. Wouldn't you know it, minutes later one more loud (of course everything sounds loud when a woman is in labor) cell phone ring. Of course, the phone calls were all from other anxiously awaiting family members, but that didn't make their rings any less jarring.
Finally, all cell phone rings were turned off and/or placed on vibrate. We were all focused on our laboring Mom again, breathing, rocking, moaning, and finally pushing, when wouldn't you know it, in the midst of some good focused pushing comes an electronic mmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm. The worst part, was it was my phone. Thankfully the vibrating stopped quickly, and Mom didn't seem to notice. Maybe that should be part of the birth plan now, are cell phones allowed at the birth.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

You are called to represent the Savior

The times I have felt the love of the Lord strongest in my life are the times I have been serving others in his name. As a nurse, there have been many instances that I have felt my heart swell with love for someone as I tried to be an instrument in the Lord's hands to serve them.

Just the other day I had a young man as a patient who became a paraplegic a couple of years ago, just a few weeks after he graduated from high school, in a car accident. He had spent most of the last couple of years bitter and over the last few months had finally accepted his present condition and was turning to God again. I was spending some time visiting with him and listening to some of his story. At one point he said "I know God has a plan for me."

I added to his words that I also knew that God had a plan for him and that he has amazing things in store for him. I really felt the Lord testify to me at that moment that He truly did have great things in store for this young man whom He loved very much. I also felt at that moment how much God has a plan for me as well, and for each of us. We each have our own set of problems and disabilities and each of these things can bring us closer to the Lord and make us stronger if we let them.

Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:“A call to service should be primarily a matter of the heart. … You are called to represent the Savior. Your voice to testify becomes the same as His voice, your hands to lift the same as His hands. … The Father and His Beloved Son will send the Holy Ghost as your companion to guide you. Your efforts will be magnified in the lives of the people you serve. And when you look back on what may now seem trying times of service and sacrifice, the sacrifice will have become a blessing, and you will know that you have seen the arm of God lifting those you served for Him, and lifting you” (“Rise to Your Call,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2002, 75–78).

I know that this statement is true, for I have felt an outpouring of the Lord's love as I reach out and help others, including at times my own children and husband. Those are times that I can truly say that I have felt that my voice, my hands were as His.

Share a time with me that you felt the Love of the Lord through someone else reaching out to you or through you serving another.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Strong Emotion = Errors

Why is it that when there is a patient or family member who is overly concerned with every little detail, they are more likely to have mistakes made on them, even mistakes that hardly ever happen? Well, after some contemplation, I've determined it must have something to do with the person making the error being in a heightened emotional state of some type. Those patients are the ones that make we as nurses more nervous or worried that we will make a mistake or even fearful. We find ourselves in the room with our hearts beating a little faster than normal and firmly placed up in our throats.
Isn't that how it is in life as well? Think about some of the errors you've made recently or over the last several years. How many of them happened when you were more emotional? If I allow myself to get too angry, that is when I am more likely to say or do something I will later regret. A close friend of mine made a mistake recently, that after discussion, we decided happened because she was feeling very afraid of retaliation right at that moment.
We've all heard to count to 10, take a few moments to compose ourselves, etc., etc. when we are angry or especially upset for any reason. I really do believe that a lot of errors/mistakes could be avoided if we all took a few moments to compose ourselves prior to acting. If we would purposefully act on something rather than quickly react to something.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Making Weak Things Strong

I have to admit, I have a lot of weaknesses. As a nurse one of my weaknesses has always been IV (intravenous) line insertions. Up until the last several months I had no better than a 50% success rate, but probably more like 30-40%. I have strengths of course, but that is not one of them. An amazing thing has happened though, as I have sought the Lord's help in strengthening that weakness. It all starts with a scripture:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. " Ether 12:27

I have always loved this scripture, but over the last year it has made a huge difference in several specific areas of my life. For instance the IV situation. It all started one day several months ago when I had a patient's IV line go bad. I looked at his arm and did not see anything worth sticking. The scripture came to mind, and I prayed to Heavenly Father, telling him that I had faith that this scripture was true, and I needed him to help make this week thing strong for me at that moment. The patient was in a lot of pain, and he needed a new line so that I could give him his pain medicine.

As I finished my prayer I looked at his arm again, and the precise vein I should enter was illuminated before my eyes. I said another quick prayer and inserted the needle. Then suddenly, what I'd hoped for, a flash of blood, indicating I was in the right spot. I finished inserting the line and gave the patient his pain medicine. My heart overflowed with gratitude and joy, at the blessing I had been provided.

Later that morning the IV seemed a little sluggish, but still working, and I asked another nurse to attempt to place a 2nd line for a backup. After 2 unsuccessful attempts by her, I decided to try again for a 2nd line, and also had no success. This really solidified in my find that that morning Heavenly Father had truly answered my prayer, and fulfilled the promise in that scripture to make weak things strong for me, right at that moment.

As the months have come and gone, he has continued to make that weakness stronger for me, when I turn to him with complete faith. There are the occasional times when despite my fervent prayers, I am unsuccessful. I think those moments of failure help me to continue to be humble and remember that it is not about my will and what I want, but what Heavenly Father wants for me. If I put my trust in him completely, all things are turned to my good. I have seen him turn weak things into strong over and over again in my life. What are some weak things that he has helped to make strong in your life?

Monday, June 1, 2009

The place where socks hide

Why is it when you can't find any spoons in the house, and you go buy 20 more, so that you will always have a spoon when you need it, within a couple of days you can no longer find any forks? I think it's a silverware conspiracy. I think they're in on it with the cups.
All too often I am looking for a glass, just 1, and all I can find is measuring cups. So, there I am drinking water out of the 1/2 cup. Then later that week, when I need to measure 1/2 cup of oatmeal, or 1 cup of water, all of a sudden, all I can find is a 20 oz glass. Then I'm trying to remember how many ounces are in a cup, and is it about 1/3 of 20 oz that would give me a cup or closer to 1/2, maybe it's more like 2/5.
Which brings me back to the silverware, because who else out there has ever tried to spread peanut butter with a steak knife, or tried to cut their steak with a butter knife. I am just sure that my whole kitchen thinks it is pretty darn funny to play these little jokes on me. The worse part, is that it really stinks having our laundry room connected to our kitchen.
Surely that is who passed this idea on to my washer and dryer who have amazing places for my socks to hide. Only, they don't hide in pairs. No, that would be too easy. Instead they hide mismatched together. Yep, the white crew sock with the white ankle high, my black knee high with my navy trouser sock. It seems even when I try to fight that problem by buying all one type of sock, eventually I end up with 1 pair of socks. 1 pair!
If anyone knows that magical place where the socks hide, they would probably solve all of the mysteries of the universe. Would I find all of our missing spoons there, too? Come to think of it, our camera has been missing for a couple of months. If you see any pics of mismatched socks partying hard with knives and spoons, you'll know I found it.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Everything leads to birth

At least it does if you are talking to me. Seriously, I have a really big problem. I am way too focused on birth. I can turn any conversation into a conversation about birth in 30 seconds or less.

I even held two missionaries captive with a way too in depth explanation about why they should convince their future wives to have natural childbirth, that probably started out by me saying something like, I am sooo tired, I was up all night with a woman in labor. I'm serious! They just sat there with these blank "I don't know if I should run away right now, or try to change the subject" look on their faces. I must've talked 5 minutes at least before I was awakened from my birth lecture by my husband and oldest son laughing at me. I replied with a "What?!?" and then finished with "anyways, you really should tell your wives that natural childbirth is awesome!"

When I told one of my sister in laws recently that I was going to be speaking to a group of women at church, she asked "what are you going to speak about? are you going to be trying to convince more people that natural childbirth is the ONLY WAY {emphasis added}?" and followed that with the idea that she was only teasing. The sad thing is she was not only teasing, it is sooo true, and I replied with "well, funny that you brought up that subject....I was hoping to have a reason to talk to you about natural childbirth....." Only 1/2 kidding.

So, here's where you come in, friends and family, share with me some of the funny ways I have segued into a birth speech while you have been around, or make a comment and see how I can change it into something about birth. Go ahead, try me.

I'm Liz, and I am obsessed with birth, I admit it. That's the first step isn't it? :)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Do the three bears exist in real life?

In the story the three little bears there was always something that was too much, something too little, and something just right. My question is this: Is there ever anything just right in real life? Particularly in regards to workload.

Last week, I had 3 days in a row where my workload was simply overwhelming. There was way too much for me to do, and I found myself running around all day long doing one task, while being called to do 3 others, and trying to get to the last 2 tasks as well. The last day of my 3 hectic days in a row was the worst, and the busiest, and I found myself feeling extremely stressed and frustrated. Ultimately I felt most frustrated as I ran up and down the hallway hectically and saw several of my coworkers sitting at the desk talking, seemingly unaware of how ridiculously busy I was.

I tried not to let it upset me too much, because, I know on occasion, I myself have been one of the people sitting at the desk. However, that last day of chaos, was a great reminder for me to be more aware of the people around me. It is so easy when there is the other extreme, too little work (it really does exist if I am not looking outside of my own personal tasks), for me to get caught up in relaxing in between duties to the point of being unaware of the busy person running circles around me. Especially when I have been sooooo busy previously, it is very tempting to use my excess time in a passive way, not just at work, but in all areas of my life.

It seems at work, and in life, things generally fall into either the too much work or the too little work category, and the key to the "just right" is me. When there is too much, my attitude makes a huge difference. If I can take it in stride and keep things in perspective, then I can usually finish out a crazy day having learned a lot. Especially if I can remember that God does not send me more than I can bear, and he will help me get through it. If I spend too much of my energy complaining and crying, then often I miss the little subtle lessens he wants me too learn.

When it is a lighter day, if instead of resorting to time wasters in between duties, I look for others around me who need help, or other tasks that could be done, then I feel much more productive and those around me are less likely to fall into the too much category. Again, if I turn to God and ask him to help me be more aware of those around me, I usually find them. I need to take this principle to my home as well. So, do the three bears really exist? Whether they do or not, Goldilocks would have been better off look for happiness in her own home or heart, because the just right was there from the start.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

THE first post

This year my birthday will be 09-09-09. With a birthday like that, you just have to figure that this year is going to be big for me. Add to that, that I have spent all of this year 33 years old, and it is no wonder I'm excited. If you know me, you know that I am fascinated with numbers, especially repeating numbers. Don't blame me, blame my mom. She's the one who had me at 11:11pm on 09-09. Certainly she must have even planned the year I was born, 1975, just so the year leading up to my pinnacle birthday 09-09-09 I could be the perfect age 33. How could it be so perfect and not be planned?
Personally I actually think maybe I picked it. I think I already loved numbers long before I came here to earth, and Heavenly Father humored me and let me choose a day and time to be born that fit right into my little bit of quirkiness. Or perhaps, it was even an inside joke between us, or even better, Father new how much I loved numbers, and he, seeing the big picture, personally picked the day and time for me.
That last theory makes it even more interesting that this year truly has been quite momentous for me. Over the last year I have been on a breathtaking spiritual journey, that took flight when I turned my food problem whole hearted over to the Lord for his help. Since then as the pounds melt away, almost 90 so far, I have felt myself growing and learning as never before. My testimony of my savior, Jesus Christ, has grown to levels I never imagined and yet I still feel as if I have so much more to learn.
I have also grown as a nurse, and especially in my journey toward becoming a midwife. I have felt my heart and mind opened and enlightened to know and do things as never before. What a joy and blessing it is to take part in the very sacred, special time in a family's life that is the pregnancy and birth of a new child. I feel like I have finally found one of my main callings in this life. How perfect to become a trusted keeper of birth at 33 years old. Guess when I hope to submit my papers to the midwife licensing board? You guessed it, 09-09-09. How could that be more perfect?